Stream of Consciousness

An undulating depression has hooked itself to me since summer of last year.. I realised myself too late! Separated from my absolute muse, I feared to admit that, I don't know what I want to create anymore... yet this was something I always needed to face--what every artists needs to renew periodically!

Browsing the Instagram feed... how might these digital artworks be categorised in the arsenals of art history? Are we adept at communicating our times? Yet again, it's the fascination of being stuck in one's time...

Anyhow, quite simply, an immense sense of silliness came over me; I was inhibited by silliness. Potentially, it's because I'm barely ever exposed to internet praise for the first time in years... though suddenly I sense, whatever work I will produce next, from this very moment, is utterly useless! Somehow, I had found myself by the meandering stream of pretty pictures. Or, even if I were to communicate a story, it'd be inconsequential... again, I am afraid of talking about myself, but most of all, to permit others to confront me. Essentially.. I'm still recuperating! I want to create art that can stir people.. and that requires harnessing something underutilised.

imperative for artists

I'm optimistic that whether to participate in the world of smartphones will be commonly accepted as a trife choice, as with any lifestyle, rather an expectation. After all, there are more insentives to abstain than ever.

Digital self: Online avatars are also morphing. Superseding pseudonyms.. your profile, its codified scaffold, is a body part. An abbreviation of your flesh body? Profile-body converses by texting or transmissions of your flesh-body.. your profile is an embodiment of you which people can interact with.

The you outside of you: That moment of discovering an art which resonates with you to the bone.. it granted you the words to describe something you've sensed all along. Ultimately, it comes to represent your identity. This is how I feel with Blonde Redhead! (Will relay a point for this) “Blonde Redhead is so me!” I muse to myself... How does this encounter differentiate from online aesthetics, which seek to funnel you into an identity which you must supply through consumption? Chiefly, the former case encourages you to branch off into unlit corners..your unlit corners! Blonde Redhead got me into Serge Gainsbourg, which I hadn't thought to be my thing at all! Except, a somnolent penchant for While the latter's map of “discovery” is significantly streamlined and curated. Say, you get into a clothing aesthetic.. businesses open surrounding that.. your identity morphs, when online ambassadors inoculate forms which embody the aesthetic's Sentiment. Even music, is for the sake of fulfilling that Sentiment..

I don't think anybody can deny how fascination it is that, say, the 18th century is as "far away" from us as the 15th century was for them... As well as--connected to how no one chose to be born--growing up entails confronting remnants of mortality. Whatever identity we attatch ourselves to has been in the making for millennia; what composes an identity? I believe objects and people of familiarity grant us this sense of continuity, and in interfacing with quotidian objects (say, a book, a mug, your phone), I believe, you're engaging in a conversation with all who lived before us. What inoculates this conversation is naturally invention, but what binds invention are sensory impressions--sensation is what binds all human beings! In this way, we absorb past lives into ourselves .. this is, metaphorically, reincarnation. We possess no previous memory of Earth, yet we are forced to navigate its form made by previous amnesiacs.

How do we determine what's true in regards to uncertain questions? Ironically, the answer can be different for everyone... though typically I find that, as long as we can ascertain applicable furcations, our minds deem that statement as true. So in regards to God(s), the faithful are especially adept at pinpointing diving intervention, while atheists attribute practical explanations. This is my observation on the remnants of God, therefore I'm inclined toward the unassertive stance of agnosticism... Do gods exist? To that I say, the absolute answer itself lies within the interstice of all arguments.

While walking home with my mother one day she told me: "people who don't pay responsibility are horrifying"---at this moment I imagined either the most dramatic scenario of a serial murderer, then my petty case of missing assignments and being poor at completing tasks in general, which is what prompted the lecture. It has been several years since then... I'm no serial murderer, I'm still poor with deadlines ... though I might have realised the wider sentiment of this maxim. Diverting my gaze from culpability for others is where the terror resides... lack of responsibility for yourself---for that is when the risk for those around you are the greatest... What are they supposed to do, if not even you can. Add a mind-body-soul disconnect upon this ... Don't ever do something (always your decision and a choice, regardless how constrained your options are) without an explanation ... don't disregard your mind from your soul, your mind from your body, your body from your soul; our mentalities are how we overcome our reactory desires and accomplish difficult tasks, the gut-brain connection is very real, we may integrate with our surroundings due to our senses... therefore it becomes a rather unsettling scene, when you inquire somebody's motivation for having acted the way they did, and they are only able to utter "I don't know".

There would be no truth in a society where everybody thinks the same. (Or, only in doubt is there faith haha.)

Tied to embodiment. We have a brain with a certain image which we now project intellect (Barthes's "Einstein's brain"?). Something as benign as smooth vs wrinkly brain jokes... The heart ("on the other hand") is the prettiest symbol based off human anatomy. I've touched on this previously, but the debate on where our selves (dvs. souls) reside.. what components of ourselves dare we excise? Then idioms. Ultimately, a beautiful way to live wholly.

perhaps i'm the sole ignorant proprietor of this approach. that is to say; events occur for the narrative demands it. favorite is pathologic fridge horror fic as long as it's willed by acidicvapour AO3 wherein the love interest's autonomy and identity are slowly replaced by his reciprocation. thus, he performs his expected role in an AO3 fic, contributing to the unease. so in short, characters behave as they do due to pre-conception. this essentially traps the story within itself, inhibiting real-world percolation. this method provides mainly inspection of cultural significances in said media. why would you bite your own tail like this, as a media consumer.

acknowledging the social construction of gender which in turn is equal validation of your own experienced gender. dual gender wielding. semantics semantics... ex. personally i'm relatively comfortable w being sorted into F since social gender's implications are tolerable to me. social assumptions are generic for a purpose... that is to say i experience social gender as any polite assumptions acquaintences or strangers might proffer.

Walking the thin line between nature and machinery. Evident in computer metaphors.... powerhouse of the cell...our body is a supply chain. What occurrs when you attribute spurs to irrevocablemechanics of your body.. are you not your brain? Are you not the chemicals in your brain?

Passive assumption of technology. Gradual incorporation into daily. ex. schools scaffolded by various online services ... preach to abstain while emphasising the fundementality. What if specialised internet history classes from elem or middle school--appropriate scope ofc--which present the wills of key figures then how the internet exhibits present-day.